Ice Caves Mountain Bound

INT. 2010 MERCEDES BENZ HYBRID SUV - DAY

MAIDEN drives with passenger SAGE northwestward towards Ice Cave Mountains.

SAGE
You know what the definition of the perfect crime is?

MAIDEN turns her attention towards SAGE. Raises eyebrows.

SAGE
The perfect crime is the type of crime where perpetrator plans his deeds towards the victim so that the victim doesn't realize an act of wrongdoing has been committed upon them. The longer the perp can keep the victim from realizing the wrongdoing has occured, the more perfect the crime is.

MAIDEN
We have to think like criminals?

SAGE
Yeah, sort of. But not like some two-bit criminal …, not like the majority of those who have never learned to care about their actions towards others.

SAGE begins typing on iPhone.

MAIDEN
Who ‘ya callin’?

SAGE
No, no one. I'm hooking up an everyday memo to myself. We're gonna soon watch two movies. To emphasize what I'm trying to say. The movies, Bonnie and Clyde, and, The Great Train Robbery. Bonnie Parker and Clyde Barrow were sloppy criminals and, well, … people like that have no qualities I'd want to emulate. But those guys who planned and executed the train robbery? Miley, whether it's organizing a team to put a man on the moon or to pull off a heist …? You know, those guys put forth the mental effort to plan it to make sure no one would get hurt. They were all wealthy, old senior citizen dudes. None of them needed the money. They did it simply for the thrill. Out of sheer boredom or something like that they team up to rob a train's cargo of gold bars. Doing it for some thrill …

MAIDEN
Yeah, so what's a perfect or not crime stuff got to do with what we're gonna do by gettin' Murgatroyd?

SAGE
To do with Murgatroyd and our bringing your fans to the quest? Probably nothing to do with this frame of mind. But we'll have a more difficult time were the Beast to know what our intentions are …, freakin' Catholics to the Protestant, Islamist, the arrogant goofball atheist and agnostic, all these heads on the same Beast, and each has a jugular we will want to sever.

MAIDEN
Whoa, slow down. Back up. You're losing me.

SAGE
Miley, listen. The treatise is going to usher in a new religion to future peoples. All the religions of today are whacked, and they by themselves cannot change to accomodate the reality of what the treatise will reveal. Instead of trying to create a perspective within you of good and bad intentions and the consequent results of these good and bad intentions by examples of the criminal mind, instead perhaps I should use corporations. I use examples of the good and the bad corporate leaders of past and perhaps you would realize that how we are to go about accomplishing what we want to do involves our best. Our best virtues put into whatever plans we devise in the future.

MAIDEN
Oh, I get it. We aren't sloppy, two-bit Christians.

SAGE
Yeah, definitely not. But most importantly we can't allow any one of those heads of the Beast to realize …? you know, we have to do whatever we do in the future in a way that is perfect. The Beast never knew a crime was being committed against it. It one day laid down and died never knowing it was our lethal wounds to it that made it tired and to then slumber and …

MAIDEN
… and never to awaken.

SAGE
(a beat) Yes, never to awaken.

MAIDEN wants to change these deep thoughts of SAGE. MAIDEN steers MERCEDES BENZ SUV off the main highway and onto service road. MAIDEN finds and parks in parking lot of supermarket. MAIDEN and SAGE exit MERCEDES BENZ SUV.

SAGE
A quart of yogurt would do the trick.

MAIDEN
I hope they have a sushi bar.

MAIDEN and SAGE walk through parking lot. MAIDEN bubbles up a low bass-tone chuckle.

MAIDEN
I was just thinking. For us to collaborate with Disney, or any large, public enterprise we’d possibly be setting them up as a target of the Beast. They can’t be identified with us and what we're about, then.

SAGE
Forget Disney, correct. Totally forget collaborating with any of those types. The three of us together. I want to be THE Christian to you. The Christian.

MAIDEN takes hold of arm of SAGE.

SAGE
Somehow that two-fifths of your Hannah money will be put back. I don’t want things from you. All I want…? All I want is your Hannah Montana fans. I want their respect while they watch me lead you on the many paths towards Murgatroyd. We in the West have a head start already because of the way we’re set up, and I want to focus your fans on the many subjects, topics, and ideas that will bring their thoughts for how to proceed to understand and then to construct an actual system mimicking biological cognition.

MAIDEN
(another low bass-tone chuckle) You make me laugh.

SAGE
(chuckle) You make ME laugh.

MAIDEN
You make ME laugh.

SAGE
No, YOU make me laugh.

MAIDEN
No, YOU make me laugh.

SAGE
NO! YOU! make me laugh.

MAIDEN
No, no, no. YOU make me laugh.

SAGE
Sorry, you don’t understand.
YOU make ME laugh.

MAIDEN
Sorry, YOU! don’t understand
ME! YOU make ME laugh.

SAGE
Am I stuttering? Talking funny?
Listen, Cupcake. You make
me laugh. That’s it.
Simple to understand, no?

MAIDEN
Am I stuttering? Am I talking funny?
Listen, Sir, you make me laugh. That’s it.
Simple to understand, no? End of discussion.
YOU make me laugh.

SAGE
Aw, shucks, you’re just goofing around.
Pulling my leg or something.

MAIDEN
Aw, shucks, you’re just goofing around.
Pulling my leg or something. Aren’t ‘ya?

SAGE
You know, you’re so funny
I forgot to laugh?

MAIDEN
You know, YOU’RE! so funny
I forgot to laugh?

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